even my farts smell like vagina
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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