So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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