u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
