Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
