mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Text me some of your sweat
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