we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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