I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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