Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
