addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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