I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
