I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
