whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
