I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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