I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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