you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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