So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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