I wish I could teleport
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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