Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
