just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're a disaster
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