brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
