Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
