At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
