I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
