Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
