capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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