Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
