The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
