He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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