i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
