She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
