Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
