you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
