it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
