I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
