The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
