I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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