You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
