i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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