just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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