Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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