I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
