you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
