why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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