Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize