Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
