Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My breasts were aching with rage.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
