I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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