Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
