Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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