Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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