I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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