You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
