i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
