Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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