they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
