took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I FOUND THE LEGS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
