Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
