We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
