I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
