i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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