I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
