there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
