My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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