I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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