i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
