he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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