why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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