after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
