as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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