Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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