how can u be prego again
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
