when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
