If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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