No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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