OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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