She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
