I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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