thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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