Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize