we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
