I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
