you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
