He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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