Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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