I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize