I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
