How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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