is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Even my vagina gasped.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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