she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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