It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
